I’m feeling so stupid right now. I’ve just acted like a teenager for a silly reason – crush.
Been waiting for a whole day long trying not to think of her, and then feeling eager just to see her for about 2 minutes knowing she don’t really care at all. Stupid, yes I am!
I’ve caught a bad fever since last night, nothing better now. Feeling so sick, mind and body. I’m supposed to be in bed, taking rest, thinking nothing, but it seems my brain is a mess now. It can’t stop working, either can’t work. Some silly thoughts do drive me crazy.
She’s a stranger. She doesn’t know much about me, but the stories I told her. She doesn’t know my hobbies, my feelings…or anything. Why we had to meet each other? Why we had to talk to each other? Why I wanted to kiss and to be kissed by her so bad? Something strange is happening between her and me. What is it? Is it like having crush? or falling for a person of fate? or just physical attraction?
Can’t think no more. What do I want right now?
I want she was here, hold me tight and made me feel calm.
How silly I am for falling for such a stranger!
She’s not even my type. I don’t even find her attravtive. I don’t like anything about her, but I like being with her. I miss being with her. This is really sick to talk about.
I need to stop talking about this shit right now. And I find that I don’t really know what to write more about except the shit feelings about that girl. Oh my life. So boring.
I’m such a daydreamer, keep daydreaming about every ideal dreams and getting myself isolated from this real hard world.
Everyday I go to work, live a normal life like every normal people in this world. But this never seems okay, ’cause I never feel okay. Maybe I’m the type of people who can’t either be happy, or be sad. Yep the doctor call it “Bipolar disorder”. I need to be normal! No real happiness, no real sadness. ‘Cause I will ruin everything/everyone I care about/love. It’s hurt to think about. I’m a mess, a real mess. I’m sick and can’t fall in line with this beautiful world. I’m a loser.
but keep walking, like a zombie.
Waiting for the light!
Friday, November 25, 2011