When you asked me if I want to tell you about what made my day bad, I smiled.
Thank you, for asking me such a normal question. Thank you, for acting like you care.
I told you “maybe later, I don’t feel like talking about it now while we’re just chatting.” but in fact, I’m not sure whether if I should tell you about it or not. Telling you my pain or keep my family portrait clean? No, maybe I shouldn’t tell you. I’m okay with that, I’m used to it. Am I? I don’t know. I don’t feel anything now. I’m not that sad which I’m supposed to be within what I saw. Maybe I don’t care about it anymore. But I’m still scared. I’m scared that the feelings which I’m supposed to feel now suddenly explode someday for no reasons, again. Or maybe I’m really okay, 100% ’cause this has happened since I was 5 so I must be very used to it. Who care. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of thinking anything in the world now. I just need you now, sitting there, asking kind of superficial questions, or yet doing nothing, just sitting there…with me.
Just thinking of your face now. Nothing more, nothing else matters.
I don’t why I like you that much. I don’t know why I want you that much. Still can’t find reasons.
I don’t give a shit about anything in this world now. All I want is you since you asked me “how was your day?”.
Why things have to be that complicated? Why I have to pretend that I don’t care about you? Why I can’t just ask you “Do you want to fall in love with me?” and then you say “Yes. I do.” and then we could stay happy together.
Baby, I want to be there with you, in your bed, but this time we don’t have to think about anyone else in the world, this time I’m yours and you’re mine, just us in the world, and we can make out for hours or even more If you want to. I wanna be with you. I want to be your one and only….
But I know you don’t wish for the same thing. You don’t even care. No, you don’t. I don’t know you. I don’t know anything at all. That’s why I have to hate you, try to ignore you, pretend like I don’t give a shit about you.
What’s the point of fate now? Will fate bring us together?
Friday, Jan 06, 2012
Never having this feeling before, the feeling of thinking so much of someone who don’t do the same.