Back to me…

Dear blog,

I want to cry out loud now. But it appears I can’t find my tears nowhere. Is is okay for a person to not cry for a whole year and more?

I put a bell outside my soul’s windows, and wait – waiting for something or someone to come ringing my bell, walking through my door and staying. But, people come and go, as it’s said. They came, rang my bell, then, some tried to walk inside, some ran away when the door just half-opened ; some tried to stay, some never meant to try. Yep, there was 2 people in this life who found my bell and rang it to tears. 2 people, and now her – the stranger! Is she counted to be the 3rd? She, once again, made me feel something special… made me start to speak my real words, but just for the very short while, and then everything had suddenly changed. And I’ve just kept asking “What happened..to us?”. I’ve been feeling fool and anxious. But what should we put on table? what should I ask you to explain? what should I make clear? Who are we? What is the name of the equivocation we ever had? What is it? I don’t know. All I can do is to keep my silence again!

I miss you holding my hand.

I miss you holding me inside your warm arms.

I miss us almost having a real kiss but just couldn’t stop thinking.

Yep, we never stop thinking. And thinking too much makes us go from stranger to stranger again.

I hate you!

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Now I’m back to me.

Me alone in my room when the night falls.
Me alone with my laptop putting the status “T.G.I.F.”

Maybe, I’m the type of person who should be alone for the better thing ever happen. Type of person who should stay away from her own happiness to keep it safe. Type of person who can’t hold anything within her small hands and her wild/crazy mind.

Hmm, I should stop talking about crush/love or whatever now. About my state of health, I’ve not felt fine yet. Still a little tired from having high fever yesterday. My feet are hurt so bad from wearing high heel working all day long. My knee is in pain from the chaging of weather (rheumastism). In brief, I’m not in good mood now. Exhausted!

I wish my job was being a mermaid. I love swimming and nature. So it could be so wonderful for me to have a chance swimming with all the beautiful creatures such as whales, seals, turtles, dolphins, fish, etc…

Water has ability to help me feel relax in many ways.

Hmm, I don’t know what to write more. My brain is mess again. lol. Maybe It’s time to go to bed, trying to sleep ’cause I have to wake up at 5 AM in the morning and it’s 1:43 Am now.

See you tomorrow bloggie. Hope you can teach me how to express my words, how to write down my diary, how to open my mind and heart as well.

Sunday, November 27, 2011
Back to me

Bi